The Tale of The Penis Cake

It was early December 2014.

As I tossed in bed, gathering courage to brave the chilly morning, I glanced at my phone screen – ’20 messages from 2 contacts,’ it read. Immediately I was fumbling, a bunch of terrible thoughts rushing through my head. (Yes, I’m a generally panicky person) As I read the text messages, the worry was long gone – an old neighbor had messaged, asking me if I bake cakes and cupcakes for Bachelorettes. Though I didn’t have a lot of experience in the same, I wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to bake a pretty themed cake with matching cupcakes; I instantly agreed to do it, little did I know what was about to hit me!

As soon as my affirmative message reached her, an image appeared on my screen – a picture of a cake shaped like a penis. Yes, she wanted me to bake a penis shaped cake for her friend’s bachelorette. No, I didn’t find it awkward. (Okay, maybe a little!) My first instinct was to say I couldn’t do it ’cause I had never worked with fondant before and haven’t been great at art or detailing. But then I thought, ‘this is a challenge I may not get many opportunities to overcome.’ So yeah, I just had to do it.. errr.. bake the cake, I mean 😛

Trying really hard not to burst into a fit of giggles, I told my mum and brother about the cake that had just been ordered. While mum took a little while to make peace with what she had just heard, my brother animatedly suggested several ways I could make it look more realistic. (Trust me, you don’t want to hear the things he said…ever!) Then I told the boyfriend and my best friend about the cake and after several “Ewwws” and “Yucks,” they got on board as well. (I really love my support system, they’re the best!) That evening I went to my favorite baking appliance store, bought a new 10 inch square pan and a tub of ready-made Buttercream flavored fondant.

The work began on my most adventurous baking experiment till date. First I baked a deliciously, moist dark chocolate cake. As the cake was baking, I drew the outline of a penis on a sheet of paper and cut it out, creating a penis shaped template. Once the cake cooled completely, I placed the template on it and cut it accordingly after which I shredded the template to the tiniest of pieces, lest my father were to find a drawing of a penis! I crumb-coated the cake with vanilla buttercream frosting and then topped it with a generous layer of the same. Into the fridge the cake went.

I began work on the fondant – rolling, adding color, getting the perfect shade. When I was happy with what the fondant looked like, I covered the cake with it and sculpted it to shape. As soon as I was done with the detailing, I rushed to put the cake into a box. I wasn’t fast enough though; in walked my dad, wondering what I was trying to hide. I tried to not let him see it, but it didn’t work – he looked at it and went, “OH GOSH!” Between fits of laughter he said, “You’re committing a sin, Winola, you’re not going to heaven!” My whole family was in the kitchen, laughing, playfully arguing for and against what I had just baked. After giving it a little thought, my dad said, “I don’t think the color is quite right!” 😀

As my old neighbor waited at the door and I packed the cake up carefully, my mum smiled and said, “One thing I’m really proud about is that you had the guts to make this cake at home, in front of all of us. I’m glad you didn’t hide.” 🙂

-The End-

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